12th Jan 10

The new term started on Monday so things are very different now. I’m not the only one at Harry’s Inn anymore. It’s nice to other people around.  The place isn’t full however, there are quite a few rooms empty, but it’s certainly much more sociable now.  There’s Jo a 17 year-old lad who’s half Cypriot half Palestinian. He’s interested in Manga illustration and has an enormous talent for drawing for such a young age.  Lois is lovely; she’s also 17.  She arrived with her mother Leslie a couple of days ago.  From what I hear she’s a bit of a wild child.  She told me that she will go out to pubs, let strange men buy her drinks, and then run away when they assert their expectation of payment in kind.  Then there’s Hanna from Montana (she must have jokes made about that all the time), I haven’t seen her work yet but I like her immensely.  She’s very sassy, her clothing can be racy, and at the same time she has a calm and mellow attitude.

pen and ink

I briefly met Jackie today, a British woman who lives near Ayia Napa and stays at Harry’s Inn during the week.  She seemed friendly, invited me to go to the cinema with her and a few others.

Charcoal

Jo (the 17 yr old) told me that he had heard that there was a new person at Harry’s Inn, i.e. me, and that I was a ‘lady’ rather than a ‘girl’. Apparently he was initially downhearted at the prospect of another ‘lady’ (there are quite a few women of a certain mumsy disposition on his course), but I was “cool”…. Hmmm… I’m a lady now am I? Well at least I’m cool I suppose. I think it’s only just sunk in that I’m not a girl anymore. Took a while! I’m O.K with it.

College is bustling with activity now. All the students have returned, they talk, they smoke, they paint, they sculpt. They look at each other’s work and they are encouraging. It’s a mixed blessing for me. I feel both spurred on and inhibited by their presence.  With all that productivity going on, it’s hard not to join in, but I also feel under pressure to perform. These people think I have some kind of expertise that they don’t have, they are looking to me for guidance. In this atmosphere I am afraid of doing something rubbish and failing horribly to meet their expectations. I know in my heart this is absurd. I am here for me. I cannot fail. But my ego wants to impress. Every minute I am battling with desire to do something ‘good’, what if I can’t do ‘good’.

Anyway, I haven’t let that one hinder me. I put 6 pieces of A1 paper up to make a large drawing surface and just did lot’s of drawings on it of random stuff. Objects held in my hand.  I figure that if I do things this way to begin there will be less preciousness, less expectation of the drawing to stand up by it’self.  I did a small abstract painting in my notebook this afternoon, and if I’m honest, I enjoyed making this the most. It would be quite funny if I end up doing Abstract work here. I doubt I will though. I always end up reverting to figurative.

I have a terrible habit of visualising how I want things to turn out before I begin them; this is not helpful.  I endeavour to respond to what happens before me, and not to be a slave to an idea of something ‘impressive’ and probably derivative that I will inevitably feel I have failed to achieve.

Tomorrow is another day. I will strive to draw as much as possible.

Here goes.

4 thoughts on “12th Jan 10

  1. Pingback: Little Did I Know – Back to the beginning | Sarah Hoskins' Journal

  2. well done you little star, what a nice reminder of the things that can and should be done… It looks so different there, me and adam stayed all over cyprus before i’ll call him and ask him if he knows of any interesting places / peeps. I love your work, always have, be nice to see that picture that you painted of everyone again. you go girl! love the charcoals, it nice to see some squiggly lines on the paper, im sure if my memory serves me correctly you dont normally squiggle, pen and ink is too good, its like the illustrations for the start of the holiday, unravelling the contents of your suitcase and giving us glimpses, mmm lovely very sophie calle!! do you like how my artistic verbal language is coming along!! learnt from the best hehe! i’m still doing photography/video, techin n teachin at croydon college and community arts in kennington now, how i would love to come and say hello tho!! keep blogging baby and dont worry about the visualisation of things to come, that sounds great, others would love that, perhaps you just need to go down some more roads and explore the amazing talent you already have in other forms or styles… remember arshaks painting that wasnt finished and we loved it!! hehe x yassu beautiful creature 🙂 Lynds (from Lemba)

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    • Heya Lyndsay !!

      great to hear from you again after all this time. I’m not sure I know which painting of all of us you mean ? I think you may have got me mixed up with Clare Galloway… she did a mad picture of all of us on one picture.. I do have a copy of it at home in England : ) Sounds like things are going well for you these days, that’s nice to know.
      I remember Arshak’s stuff, I’m friends with him on Facebook, it’s nice to see him pop up from time to time.
      Cheerio me lovely, hope you come and visit, that would be a blast !

      Sarah xxx

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      • oh my goodness of course… theres another memory i’d forgotten, yes it was claire, i think about lovely aileen from time to time too, and andy getting all shakey when he needs to eat x so many people in a creative atmosphere lovely x well good to hear from you i hope you are giving yourself a well deserved cup of tea x the drawings look great and i love the photo from the supermarket which is all that way away, get a bike maybe. im trying to look for a health/yoga break for a few days soon maybe i see what cyprus has to offer xx lots of cold rainy but cosy love lynds x

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